If you use TikTik you may have heard a song called Bored in the House by Tyga and Curtis Roach. My wife even used this song to make a goofy little video of my son, The Peanut.
During lockdown The Peanut was definitely bored in the house!
I usually only hear the song in 15 second increments but this week I finally listened to the whole thing.
It’s descent. It’s a fun song and I get wrapped up in it.
Until I hear…
“Ayy, married to the money dressed in tuxedos (Yeah)
I could show you mine like I’m Magneto”
As a life long comic book geek, that last line doesn’t jive with me. All I can think is, if he really KNEW Magneto he wouldn’t say it like that.
Why do I bring this up?
Because this is what happens when your message isn’t 100% dialed in. Your reader/listener gets in a trance. And then, you break it with the wrong words.
It’s like hitting a speed bump at 30 MPH.
Let me give you an example.
Let’s say your product or service helps people with depression. You could say:
“Have you had an increase in suicidal thoughts or behavior?”
This is ok, but it may break the trance.
How about this?
Have you ever been out with friends, having fun, and suddenly think “I wish a car would hit me.”
This is an actual situation and not a clinical definition. It’s far more relatable! The reader will go deeper into your message. Deeper into your trance.
You need to internalize this because if someone hits a speed bump they may stop reading. Their attention wanes just enough.
An alert on their phone buzzes.
A new text comes in.
The phone rings.
And, they’re gone.
So how do you make sure you don’t break the trance? I read my copy 5-10 times.
And I read it aloud.
That way you can look for the speed bumps and get rid of them.
Wanna write in a more captivating way? https://adamstreet.net