The Confidence Death Spiral

Wanna see a quote that pisses off most artists?

“There is no relationship between being good and getting paid.”     

– Joe Polish

You may have guessed why so many artists think this quote is about as realistic as The Adventures of Sharkboy and Lavagirl.  It’s cause they think how I used to think. 

You’re supposed to work, haaarrrdddd!  You put in all those hours for mastery, and then once you get good, really good, THEN the money comes.  

Oh really?  Does it?

I met a guy in life drawing class that literally could have taught the class.  His mastery of drawing was AT LEAST that of the instructor.  He may have been even more skilled!  

And my instructor was pretty damn amazing so that’s sayin’ something…

But guess what, he worked an average job that was WAY beneath his skill level.  And that would be ok if he enjoyed what he did but he didn’t.   He just never found a way to make a living from his art.

When I first started painting comics at Marvel my goal was to get so good I could get my own exclusive contract.  I worked experimenting with color palettes, styles, and all sorts of stuff.  One trick I found was putting up another painter’s work and emulating it in some way.

Not sure why I never had the confidence to just do my thing.  After all…

I never went to art school.

I wasn’t some art prodigy.  

I just wasn’t confident in my own ideas. 

Until…

I was painting a page and I opened up an image painted by one of my favorite artists, Christina Strain.  I kept going back and fourth looking at how she rendered and did a few things.  Soon I realized, the work I was studying was mine and not hers.  

Christina is amazing but I realized in that moment that I didn’t give myself enough credit.  

And if you lack confidence in your craft, the same may be true for you.  You need to appreciate where you are in the process and what you do.  

If you can do that your confidence can show up in a minute or two.  And that confidence opens the flood gates to connection and creativity.  I think one problem I had (and why that initial quote pissed off so many people) is thinking you need mastery before confidence.  

You know me, I love a good sports analogy.  So…what about the great athletes, Adam?  

Look at Michael Phelps.  

Look at Lebron James.

Look at Roger Federer.

Those guys trained their ass off to get where they got.

Even Leonardo da Vinci  said, “Poor is the pupil who does not surpass his master.”

Yes, yes, and yes!  Mastery is great.  It should be the end game for you!  But none of those people had mastery right out of the gate!  

My point is this, Mastery is NOT connected to how much you can earn.  And it sure as hell isn’t connected to happiness!  And you can see evidence of that everywhere.

And let’s face it, what’s more fun?  Being confident and “feeling” mastery in that moment even though you don’t have it?  Or feeling like you’re not “there yet” and being salty about it?  

The being upset about it kept me in a death spiral that only led to lack and me trying to find myself.    Ok, death spiral was a bit melodramatic but you get my point.  Finding yourself is cute when you’re 20, but when you get older it’s pretty annoying.  

Appreciate yourself and where you are in the process.  When I did, my life changed.

And so can yours…

Adam

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