I grew up poor but I prefer to say broke.
The reason why is because my progressively Christian mom never made us feel that way. I heard Wayne Dyer say more or less the same thing about his childhood, but he said they just “lived where they were at”. That felt right for me.
Dave Chapelle put it in an even better (and funnier) way. He said his family made enough to live in a better part of town so he got to see what his friends had that he couldn’t afford. I could totally relate to that! Author Lynne Twist gave me my favorite term though.
In her book the Soul of Money, Lynne was visiting with the Senegalese people. Statistically these people were poor and were struggling for resources. But when she met them she realized they were not “poor” in the traditional sense. She said they, “burned with the fire of possibility.” And to me, that’s what my mom had.
Even though we were broke my soft spoken church-lady mom burned with the fire of possibility and she etched that into me. Not to mention, not having enough fit me about as well as my ten year old son’s underwear. I knew, my adult life was going to be different.
What was my first path to riches? I was gonna be a pop star!
When I graduated from high school I enrolled in music school. Because, ‘I knew what I wanted my music to sound like’ so I thought music school was going to be a breeze.
I couldn’t be more wrong.
My logic was about as sound as, ‘cause I love eating food that means I’d be a great chef’. My university eventually cancelled the degree I was studying so I used it as my chance to get out of music.
And a bunch of companies declining my demo tapes didn’t hurt either…
Then I thought big corporations held the key. If I get a degree I can work my way up. Why not have one of those big corporate glass offices? Maybe even get a fancy laptop and a company car. I tried that too.
I eventually learned about office politics and my favorite… Being a team player. Or lack there of (something I was accused of at my last big corporate job). It seemed corporate America was about as congruent with me and having AA meetings at the bar in Applebees.
Next it was Network (or Multi-Level) Marketing. I discovered the work of Eric Worre and he rocked my entrepreneurial universe like Thanos from the Avengers movies.
I eventually quit network marketing but I KNEW entrepreneurism was the gateway to the life I wanted. I studied the market, wealth, and business. I kept my nose buried in books like Hermione looking for Horcruxes in the library.
Did I have enough? Nope. I kept looking.
I doubled down on studying direct marketing and copywriting. After all, I just need to learn how to write better ads and better sales letters. I’ll be Scrooge McDuck in no time…
I had ups but I STILL kept looking over my shoulder like poverty could pounce me at any minute like Freddy Krueger from the Nightmare on Elm Street movies.
I doubled down on spirituality and getting clear on the Law of Attraction. And yet, I still felt a little damned.
Then I read a quote by William Paul Young. He said, “I allowed myself to fall into trust. And that’s when we learned that the opposite of more is enough.”
I felt like Bugs Bunny just slapped me with a glove with an anvil in it.
This quote made me realize not trusting, not being present, and always fearing not enough kept giving me more of not enough. I was what Gabby Bernstein calls a Manic Manifester.
She said, “manic manifesting happens when someone has all the spiritual tools and jargon but forgets the most important part of attraction: to tune in to the Universe. You can say affirmations, pray, and meditate every day and still not attract because your energy is out of alignment.”
There I was. Busted.
So if my problem was being out of alignment too often the fix was just to flip it around and be in alignment MORE.
This solution took nearly all of my adult life to learn but hey, better late than never.
Adam